Jan 24 2009
The Rules Of Golf
Here’s how I figure they got started. Go back to the place where golf started. Somewhere in the Scottish Highlands, some time ago. There were these two Scottish guys out in the fields somewhere, Hagus and MacIntosh. It’s raining out. It’s cold and windy. They’ve got holes in their rubber boots. They both just had an argument with their wives. They just had an argument with the sheep. Even the ugly ones.
Lesson. Never write anything after arguing with the sheep. Thus the rules of golf.
They made a simple game so complicated that even the professionals who do this for a living don’t even know the rules. You see them all the time go look for Hagus and MacIntosh’s offspring and ask for a “ruling”.
Now some of the rules are necessary if you are playing for 3 or 4 million dollars like most of the pros do. I think they should just name it the Tiger Woods’ Benevolent Fund and just be done with it. He is truly amazing. He may be a little too serious for my liking, but you can’t argue with the fact that he gives it his all.
Tiger Woods makes the announcers job so easy. If he ever learned how to slow his swing speed down a few hundred miles an hour he might hit more fairways. Then the announcers would have nothing to talk about. “And Tiger Woods eagles another hole. That’s 42 in a row.” He is exciting to watch. Just don’t hurt yourself trying to figure out how he does it. None of us are Tiger Woods.
And I think that’s part of the reason we need to look at a different set of guidelines for the weekend golfer and also some changes in how we play. I think it is most important for players who haven’t been able to break a 100 just yet. So here’s some of my ideas.
- Don’t keep score until you get close to being able to break 100.
- Have fun.
- Make the “foot wedge” your most valuable club especially when your ball ends up jammed against a tree or rock. Taylor isn’t going to make you a new club for free like he does for the pros.
- No more than six shots on a fairway and no more than 3 putts. Pick the ball up and move on to the next hole.
- You are banished from the rest of play for that day, if you throw your club or swear out loud. Be realistic. You’re not good enough to complain!
- Develop a strong flush-that-last-bad-stroke-from-your-thoughts technique. You can’t do anything right now about it so “forgetaboutit”.
- Have fun.
- If you would like to get better at the game, take lessons from your local golf professional. Lessons first, nice golf clothes second, equipment last. OK maybe a brown pop or two. Just don’t overdo it.
- If you insist on getting so upset that you upset the other players, stop playing golf and take up building demolition as a hobby. At least you will have accomplished something of value there.
- Try to play the 19th hole with your foursome. Much of the most memorable shots for the weekend golfer take place there.
- Oh yeah, did I forget. Have fun!!!!!
It is a game. Don’t let Hagus & MacIntosh ruin it for you, just because they don’t know how to loosen up. Really tight and Scotsmen do go together like strict rules, now don’t they.
